Tuesday, April 04, 2006

And maybe I wasn't joking about the Harper-Coulter Motel 6 photos

Has the dust settled? Keee-ryst!

After five months of busting my bony white ass trying to write semi-amusing shit for this blog on a semi-regular basis, I had cultivated a readership consisting of a handful of sorta regulars and the odd horny guy who accidentally got here by Googling 'scarlet johanson breast'.

Then, on a lark, I do a half-assed photoshop job of two dudes trading spit and... kazowy! Traffic goes from sad to -- um, whatever 16 times more than sad is -- overnight.

Which probably says something. Like maybe: "A picture is worth a thousand words." Or: "Comedy is the art of the unexpected." Or: "Less funny talk, blog bitch, more man-on-man action!"

Oh, yeah. Did I mention that my traffic has gone back to sad?

Which is fine. I'm good with that. But I shudder at what lengths I'd have to go to for another spike in hits.

(...Now, let's see, if Her Majesty's PVC 12-buckled corset is candy apple red, should her the harness for her strap-on dildo match? And what about His Holiness' lipstick?)


At April 04, 2006 11:50 p.m., Blogger dief said...

My traffic is so sad that I'd be happy with the "before photoshop" hits you got. That's it, I'm going to go photoshop Harper and Bush into a scene from Brokeback Mountain right now.

At April 05, 2006 5:53 a.m., Blogger K-Dough said...

Dude- all you have to do is write something insulting about Ashley MacIsaac and then wait until he googles his own name. It's blast. Everyone should try it, at least once.

BTW- In case you missed this over on my site I am reposting it:

Havril always looks so stressed out in pictures. Poor guy. I think he needs a vacation. Maybe you should give up the monotonous tranquility of the East Coast for some Big City Nights in the T Dot?

Hav- I'd be happy to show you around man. College Street, Queen West, the Rainbow Village. It'll be a blast dude. We've already made up the spare room- you just let us know...

At April 05, 2006 6:42 a.m., Blogger Havril said...

Dief. Now that I've raised the bar, you'll need to go more extreme than that. I'm thinking Stockwell day, Condi Rice and the inappropriate use of a crucifix.

K-dough. Sweet! As it turns out, the wife and I will be in the 416 next month. Please leave the sheets untucked on my side of the bed, tucked on hers. I like my eggs over-easy. I'll e-mail you a list of food allergies. I'm so excited. This'll be the best three weeks ever.

At April 05, 2006 7:49 a.m., Blogger K-Dough said...

Dude- we should hook up for din din or something equally domestic and mundane.


At April 05, 2006 8:24 a.m., Blogger Havril said...

[Frantically scours to "How to protect your family from cyberspace predators" handbook]

At April 05, 2006 8:58 a.m., Blogger dief said...

Oh yes, I have written about Mr. MacIssac and his I found that people have come to my site after googling his.

I can't say that it was him, but it was someone that googled his name.

I did the same thing with Mark Critch from 'this hour has 22 minutes'. Someone has been googling that name alot. Maybe his Mom.

At April 05, 2006 10:19 a.m., Blogger K-Dough said...

Dief- believe me- you'd know if it was him....check this out:
MacIsaac At K-Dough's Canada

At April 05, 2006 10:21 a.m., Blogger K-Dough said...

Havril- I thought I was special to you. But now I see you for who you really are: a two-timing talk-tease. But don't worry- I won't boil your bunny. I won't do that again.


At April 05, 2006 12:27 p.m., Blogger Havril said...

Crap, do you think the PMO and/or Oval Office have Googlers on staff?

Wow. I could have the entire weight of both administrations coming down on me. So will it be Gitmo courtesy of Uncle Sam, or Syria courtesy of Revend Stockwell? Either way, that's speedo weather.

At April 05, 2006 1:06 p.m., Blogger K-Dough said...

don't kid yourself- they do.

At April 05, 2006 1:18 p.m., Blogger Havril said...

Mildly ironic that you mention "kid" with reference to the online activities of US civil servants. Check out these allegations. Homeland security: protecting future generations of Americans from terrorists... so that the pedophiles can get them.

At April 05, 2006 1:28 p.m., Blogger K-Dough said...

Hey- don't ruin my illusion that Americans aren't hypocritical and are dedicated to a higher, more profound sense of justice.

Civil servants just can't be trusted I guess.

At April 06, 2006 1:46 a.m., Blogger Alison said...

Hey guys
For a totally massive and gratuitous spike in hits, just write something about Focus on the Family. Anything at all will do. You'll see them coming because they even have their own server : fotf.
Gitmo is for pussies; I'm going to hell.

At April 06, 2006 6:34 a.m., Blogger Havril said...

Will it work to just type Focus on the Family repeatedly (Focus on the Family Focus on the Family Focus on the Family Focus on the Family Focus on the Family Focus on the Family Focus on the Family)?

Hell: Also Speedo weather, but you need the large tube of zinc cream.

At April 07, 2006 1:16 p.m., Anonymous luise said...

hehe...not quite speedo weather... but it will be soon.

havril, having stumbled across your blog, via a link from another one, I must say that I enjoy it greatly. As another PS geek(ette); you do good stuff.

For Friday Fun check out:
courtesy of the GDC list.

Aren't we just so lucky to live in the lower mainland?? Everything is blooming.

Be patient, the people will come.


At April 08, 2006 4:47 p.m., Blogger Miss Cellania said...

Ya want traffic? First, you need to start adding Technorati tags to your posts. Then remember these words SEX Sex sex BREASTS Breasts breasts BOOBS Boobs boobs NAKED Naked naked NUDE Nude nude. Use these words in your post titles and tags. And your post body, too. You may not get a lot of readers, but you'll get a lot of hits!

At April 08, 2006 5:24 p.m., Blogger Saskboy said...

Congrats on the traffic spike. Are you registered at truthlaidbear.com ? Because I don't see what kind of ecosystem animal you are, and I'm an Adorable Little Rodent, but I was once a Marauding Marsupial, and you might be too if you sign up.

I just posted this morning about my blog traffic, and had my best day ever for return readers a few days ago, with 22. I've had a spike or two of about 500 hits, mostly due to Slashdot.org postings that got moderated as high as they can go. Since I've switched to WordPress I've had more fun blogging because I was using Blogger and plain HTML with Haloscan comments/trackbacks before, and didn't have nifty automated tagging and things like that. I know I could be doing more to foster traffic from Tecnorati, but I'm semi-content with slowly growing until someone passes along something I've written to someone "important" in the media or blogosphere and I might achive some level of Internet noteriety and fame like my cat has.

Party on, fellow http://vlwc.1337hax0r.com/ Blogger!

At April 08, 2006 10:15 p.m., Blogger Havril said...

Er, what words were those again, Miss Cellania?

At April 09, 2006 4:16 a.m., Blogger Miss Cellania said...

I've had some awesome spikes from 1) getting linked on a site like Boingboing, b) Google or Yahoo deciding to rank me high on a common search term, or 3) sudden publicity for a service I contribute to. Nice for the ego, but for many days afterward I don't achieve my skewed daily average. And my traffic is always ahead of my link rankings.

At April 09, 2006 3:51 p.m., Blogger Havril said...

Actually, traffic isn't as big a deal for me as I make it out to be. Honest. I'm presently too busy to blog the frequency and hilarity neccessary to build and maintain a big audience. So I really am content with a few semi-loyal readers. Does nobody believe me?

At April 14, 2006 12:53 a.m., Blogger Saskboy said...

Semi-loyal in the sense of being loyal to truck drivers, or reading your blog?

At April 15, 2006 9:25 a.m., Blogger Havril said...

Clearly I meant truck drivers, Saskboy. Who'd be stupid enough to make a return visit to this nonsense? Christ, even I hardly ever come here anymore.


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