Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Cabinet - or, in French, cabinet

Some more (but not necessarily more profound) thoughts on the new Conservative Cabinet...

Peter MacKay - Foreign Affairs: Smart pick. If you want to get ahead in the often dirty game of international politics, you need a guy who's not all caught up on diplomatic niceties. Like honouring agreements. Those sorry bastards from [insert name of gullible third-world country] won't know what hit them!
James Flaherty - Finance: Great choice. I absolutely loved this guy as Count Floyd.
Bev Oda - Canadian Heritage and Status of Women: A suggestion for Bev's first order of business in this portfolio: commission a report into why women of colour always get shitty second-tier cabinet posts.

Diane Finley - Human Resources and Social Development: This department is bound to suffer with the departure of Ken Dryden. Finley is said to not perform nearly as well under pressure. Also, she is notoriously weak on the glove-hand side.

Stockwell Day - Public Safety: As in, Emergency Preparedness. As in, National Security. As in, so much for putting Stock in a portfolio where he can't do much damage. I don't even need to elaborate on the disconcerting irony that he'll be the minister in charge of CSIS, our national intelligence agency. On the counter-terrorism front, I predict he'll start out by instigating some kind of ill-advised "My God is greater than your God" pissing match with Al-Qa'ida. Tragically but conveniently, this will drum up some business for his other responsibility area -- emergency response. Speaking of which, how long before a frantic Minister Day calls in 1000 troops with orders to sandbag the Niagara River because he thinks it's flowing the wrong way? Ironically, Stockwell's appointment to Public Safety will accomplish indirectly what he wishes he could legislate but can't: more prayer.
Vic Toews - Justice and Attorney General: This is the one left-minded folks have been fretting about. Needless alarmism. Vic's no monster. Why, in the criminal justice sphere, I heard he actually favours rehabilitation over incarceration, a progressive philosophy I'm sure we'll see exemplified in what I expect will be his first Bill: An Act to Outlaw Gayness.

Gregory Thompson - Veterans Affairs: This must be a typo. Surely, this was supposed to be Myron Thompson: Ex US Army; Tough-as-nails; At 5 years of age, the youngest man to enlist to fight in WWII. But if Myron's really sitting this one out, look for him to get the nod later on in Harper's first cabinet shuffle -- say, after Minister Greg mysteriously bites it during a caucus retreat at Myron's Alberta homestead. (Myron to Sundre police: "Damn accidental, tragic, accidental gopher trampling. Did I mention it was an accident?")
And, let's see. Oh yeah...

Stephen Harper - Prime Minister:
Now with a Right Honourably bad haircut.


At February 08, 2006 7:41 p.m., Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny. And Myron strikes me as just the type to off a guy if he had to. But I think he would use a rifle. RK

At February 10, 2006 8:17 a.m., Anonymous Anonymous said...

rk is right. but you better be nice to myron, havril, or he'll be inviting YOU to a hunting trip on his farm.

At February 13, 2006 2:28 p.m., Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'll betcha Orchard's site is getting more hits than he's had in a long time. Haven't heard much from or about him lately. Maybe this is a good thing?


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