Thursday, June 29, 2006

If I had a rocket launcher...

I'd put it in my attic for, like, 30 years.

She was relieved to get it out of the house. No shit. This thing was a danger. A lurking menace. Maybe a national security incident waiting to happen.

Imagine. Poor old gal forgets she has it. Then one day she's going through a box of old knitting supplies. Some yarn gets wrapped around something. She tugs. Hsssssst... Swooosh. Silence. Distant boom. Horrified, granny doesn't report it. Nor does she come clean when the police, having tracked the trajectory back to her street, come to ask questions about a downed Airbus A340. They leave, satisfied the old dear knows nothing. And she goes about her life. Sweaters are knitted. A skylight is installed.

...But life would never be the same for those five young Muslim chaps who were renting the house next door.
*

13 Comments:

At June 29, 2006 4:29 PM, Blogger Chuckercanuck said...

that last line is gold, Havril, gold!

 
At June 29, 2006 5:18 PM, Blogger cheezwhiz said...

Havril, Havril...a work of genius.

 
At June 29, 2006 7:15 PM, Blogger talk talk talk said...

Couldn't have said it better. Thanks for the laugh!

 
At June 29, 2006 7:42 PM, Blogger Procrastinatrix said...

ouch!

 
At June 29, 2006 10:20 PM, Blogger Alison said...

oh ...rocket launcher...
And to think for all these years I thought old Bruce was singing about a rocket lawn chair.

 
At June 30, 2006 7:56 AM, Blogger Havril said...

Chuckah: Thanks. I came up with it over soup at Mendy's.

Cheesy: Glad you think so. The guy I paid to write it had that on his business cards, so I guess it was $27.99 well spent. Which reminds me... Chucker, can I get a receipt please? Tax purposes.

Talk x3: Laugh? At the very serious (and never, ever discriminatory) war on terrorism? Hmmm. What's in your attic?

Procrastinatix: Stub your toe?

Alison: Actually, those lyrics make sense. I know how worked up folks get (and rightly so) about those noisy, polluting leaf blowers. If I fired up a rocket lawn chair in my peaceful 'hood, some son of a bitch (most probably me) would most probably die.

 
At July 01, 2006 12:38 AM, Blogger Scout said...

ah , havril, great piece but are you canadian-born?

 
At July 01, 2006 11:02 AM, Blogger Havril said...

Thanks, Scout. But I refuse to answer your question on grounds that it might incarcerate me.

 
At July 01, 2006 4:24 PM, Blogger Scout said...

i'm sorry havril, you've forgotten we have no rights anymore. please fall in line, follow orders and goosestep. that's step, not poop.

 
At July 04, 2006 9:15 PM, Blogger beepbeepitsme said...

lol , funny story :)

 
At July 11, 2006 8:14 AM, Blogger K-Dough said...

Hav- I miss your shit dood. Keep it comin!

 
At July 12, 2006 12:32 PM, Blogger Havril said...

Kay- Soon, dood, soon.

 
At July 13, 2006 12:47 PM, Blogger Chuckercanuck said...

Hey, I just swung by to see if anything's up. Sad nothin' new to look at, so I went down to the David Lee Roth clip and watched for a fifth time.

I was alone. I'm happier, but ashamed.

 

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