Sunday, January 08, 2006

And save the orange jumpsuit for Conrad Black

Last week a 55 year old Nova Scotia man was charged with attempted murder for allegedly trying to hit a man with his car on New Year's Eve. Now, for anyone from small town Canada, this is hardly news. In my home town, unofficial First Night festivities seemed somehow incomplete until Buddy tried to run Buddy Other down with his ride (inexplicably, almost always a 1974 Buick Riviera).

But what makes this one interesting and quite possibly ironic (at least in the Alanis Morisette 'Isn't it Ironic?' sense) is the fact that the alleged driver is none other than Donald Marshall, the Mi'kmaq man who spent 12 years in prison after being wrongfully convicted of murder in 1971.

Which leads to an provocative and quite possibly never-before-asked (at least in the any-two-women "Havril, will you have a threesome with us?" sense) question: shouldn't Donnie get a freebie on this one?

As in, get-out-of-jail-free. As in, time already served. As in, been there (prison), done that (hard time for something I didn't do). Let's say that trying to give somebody a hood ornament tattoo would normally get you, oh, I don't know, 11 years in the clink. Well, perfect. Don's done 12, so let him grab an old-fashioned glazed from the chief constable's desk on his way out, and we'll call it even. It's only fair.

Or is it? If the present charges are only worth, say, 10 years, then not only should this poor bugger walk - but he's still owed another two years. By rights, he should be entitled to such additional consequence-free crime as necessary to use up the credit. Not unlike how accidentally overpaying on your credit card entitles you to the guilt-free purchase of a garden gnome. The bonus offence is his choice of course, but to me both Public Nudity and Theft of Cattle sound fun (and in the latter case, tasty).

It may not make up for spending the entire disco era behind bars but damn if it isn't a good start.


At July 12, 2006 11:59 a.m., Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cool guestbook, interesting information... Keep it UP
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