Thursday, December 29, 2005

12 things to do with your leap second

No lie. A leap second. Kinda like the extra day in a leap year, only shorter, and without a page in your kitten-a-day desktop calendar. In case you haven't heard, the People That Decide These Sorts of Things (my theory: a star chamber comprised of Oprah and my wife's Aunt Liz) are adding an extra second to 2005. Yes, Virginia, an extra second. Right before the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve, "time" will just hang there for a bit. Time will no doubt uncomfortably shuffle its feet, unsure of what to do with itself.

You don't have to. That's right, here they are (arranged in reverse order, much like the lists popularized on an unnamed late night TV show, but completely different because there are twelve of them)....


12. Type this: alksdjflasdjflksadjflsadjflksdjfokanmdfs.

11. Say any one syllable word, followed by "mississippi".

10. Same as number 11, but with "one thousand".

9. ...or "steamboat".

8. Wonder, but just for a second, how I get off calling this a 12 item list.

7. Do a double take. (Possible motivation: Yes, Dick Clark is still alive.)

BONUS ITEM (To make up for number 9. I stand by number 10)... Do one of those "I'm so surprised I'm spray-spitting my drink" things with your champagne. (Possible motivation: Yes, Regis Philbin does still have a New Year's Eve show.)

6. Do any two of the following: (a) shake (b) rattle (c) roll.

5. Solve for x where x-1 =1 (or, in Moosejaw, where x=1).

4. Write a newborn's c.v.

3. Recite the list of weapons of mass destruction found in Iraq... then see any of the above.

2. Reinact your first sexual encounter. Repeat.

And, here it is. The number one thing to do with your leap second. Ready? Take a deep breath.....

1. No, that was it: take a deep breath.


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