Sunday, December 25, 2005

More Christmasy thoughts

Christmas traditions

Christmas - the time of year when we find a beautiful living thing in the forest, hack its legs off with an axe, then drag it back to our living room where we gather around it and sip mulled wine as we watch it slowly die. Peace and joy, unless you happen to be a conifer.

Botanists tell us that Mistletoe is a parasite. But it must be a very a special parasite. People don't tend to feel kissy when they look up and see a tapeworm dangling over their heads.

We limit our political incorrectness at this time of year. Candy canes are still quite popular, but not candy prosthetic limbs or candy wheelchairs. It seems some disabilities are more minty fun than others.

Christmas dinner

The tryptophan in turkey is what makes you sleepy. I don't know if turkeys engage in foreplay, but if they do, and it if it includes oral sex, that must make for a short night.

Brussel sprouts: If you plant one in the garden, does it grow into the capital city of Belgium? Or just a Jean-Claude van Damme tree?

Christmas cheer

Back in the days before pasturization, making traditional egg nog (rum, sugar, milk and raw eggs) must have been tricky. Not enough rum and you risked salmonella poisoning if you over-indulged. Too much rum and you risked alcohol poisoning. Christmases were pukier then.


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